Dating Tips for Women
Dating Rules
Dating Tips for Women
WHAT DO MEN WANT?
by Ian McNeice
http://www.datingarticles.com
Women often tell me that men confuse them and that they are unsure what a man is really looking for. They have tried to please them in the past and it hasn't worked so no, the man can concentrate on pleasing them or leave. If the media is to be believed, many women don't care what a man is looking for anymore because they have been empowered by their own sexuality and are comfortable in their new role as sexually liberated career woman in charge of their own destiny. In which case, as long as the man wants them, that is fine.
It doesn't matter whether that view is actually true or not. What is true is that the modern man is increasingly struggling to find his place in the world. The Armed Forces and Space programs quite rightly have very highly qualified career women working in their departments and in most aspects of industry, women are excelling. The old male bastions are crumbling and with them their innate self respect as well as their understanding of how they should act and what they desire.
Any woman reading this may say well it's a problem for men and they should deal with it. Absolutely I can reply, but you cannot expect miracles instantly. Generations of history dictating a man's role and function cannot be decided and altered in the space of 20 years without some fallout. Few can argue against the excitement felt by women as their empowerment continues but at the same time, one must expect issues to coincide with this. And one of those as I said is the question of understanding what the modern man is looking for.
Men have started to evolve and are starting to grasp the fact that their role may not be as it once was. 'Starting' is the operative word because this does not mean that there aren't large swathes of the world where men insist on being the breadwinner and women should still remain at home rearing children. It is going to take a long time to change the world. However in our western cities a change is in full swing. Men know that to find a mate they are going to have to work harder than ever before and they are aware that women call the shots far more than ever before. But this doesn't essentially change what a man is looking for.
Okay so what is a man seeking?
First of all a man is seeking a love-interest. This may surprise many women but men like to love and they like being loved in return. The problem is that many women come across as impassioned and cold. It is not easy to find a loving woman and it is very noticeable how many men try and hang on when they think they have found their Miss Right.
Men are seeking a woman who is attractive to them. Women may despair that men can be so shallow and that looks could matter so much but be careful. Men aren't necessarily looking for a catwalk model and many men don't like women who weigh 80lbs. But men do want a woman who takes pride in their appearance (though not excessively). Men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good and I don't believe any man who says otherwise.
Men are looking for a trustworthy girl, someone they can have faith in and someone who will be there for them. This may sound like an odd thing to say, but the fact is, some women are not trustworthy and many are not faithful either. So many in fact that men are increasingly wary. That kiss at a Christmas party may not count, or the flirtatious behavior with the gorgeous barman and in fact its all great fun and part of a woman's character. But reverse the situation and as a woman, you hate him doing the same. A man can never forgive a woman being unfaithful and so he is looking for someone who he really does trust.
Men want to make a home eventually and are looking for a woman who will be a willing sharer in home life. Women with a sociable lifestyle are attractive because they can be relied upon to keep the social diary running in a long term relationship.
Men are seeking women who are feminine gentle and kind because deep down the qualities that make a woman a great mother are an attraction in themselves. I am not suggesting that the man himself needs mothering, though some do, it is more the point that men seek the attributes in women that point to someone who would make a great mother to future offspring.
Men want women with a great sense of humor. Women often come across as uptight or too bothered by too many small details. You will sometimes hear mention of a girl who is 'one of the boys'. What this means is that she is able to fit in with their humor and is sociable and fun to be with. Such women are extremely attractive to many men. Men want to have a good time and relax when not working and so their ideal partners are women who are able to do the same.
Men are looking for women who retain their femininity and and are caring and kind. In recent years, aping men may be a female fashion statement, but it doesn't make them attractive. Whilst every woman in the world burps and farts and has the right to drink pints of beer, it doesn't necessarily attract them to the opposite sex. Women can get angry and say well men will just have to get used to it, but the issue is that they don't. They can just choose not to go for women who act in the same way as their drinking buddies.
Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men in their behavior, career and set about trying to alter them and mould them. This is a crucial mistake. Men can be manipulated yes, but they see their partnerships as support systems. The best relationships work both ways in terms of support. Where a woman is not able or willing to give that support and is too quick to criticize then she may lose her man.
Men don't like angry women who shout. They want a woman who can debate and converse and is able to discuss. Communication is king. A fiery passionate temperament may have made you interesting and challenging on day one. But by day 500 it holds no glory whatsoever.
Men love a challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their toes. Men are generally lazy in relationships once they feel they're in secure territory. When a man is challenged so he does something about it. If you want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged.
Men are generally more reserved about sex than women. This is my experience is a fact. Men know what they like in bed and tend to stick to it. The adventurous sexual appetite in most men isn't there even if they are convinced it is. Men in reality are quite conservative. Sexually adventurous has nothing to do with having lots of partners and more to do with the things they will try with the same partner. In most test cases I have conducted, it is the man who looks for a quiet time in the bedroom and the woman who ultimately becomes bored.
Men want a woman who will commit to them. Though increasingly this is hard to find, it doesn't take away the wish. Men want a girlfriend who they can share with and trust and be open with. Commitment is not a one way street and therefore men are struggling to find the levels of commitment they found previously. But the need is still there.
Men don't want to be alone.
This column can easily fire a great debate and I may be accused of being completely wrong but that is the beauty of opinions. We all have them. The fact is, a modern man is seeking a reliable, sexy, single girl with whom he can have a long term relationship with. He wants to have fun, share his life and ultimately settle down. There are a few long term bachelors but not that many. The problem guys have is that the world has changed. They don't necessarily want to have children and settle down straight away, but it will come. They do seek self-respect even if they are not the primary breadwinner and they seek respect from their partner.
Whilst women become increasingly strong in their new roles in society, it is worth remembering that it takes, and always will take, two to tango.
GENERAL DATING RULES FOR WOMEN
by Ian McNeice
http://www.datingarticles.com
In another dating article on this site you will find a general set of rules than men should follow when dating. In the same way women have some general rules that they should content with when entering the dating jungle. Now I know everyone is different so don't take things too seriously here. There has been some controversy over some literature published recently in the USA that sets out in detail the rules a woman should follow to get her guy (or woman). Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider's 1995 bestseller "The Rules," explains how women should play hard if they want to get their guy. I can understand why some groups would be hostile but the fact is when we grow up there are a predefined set of dating rules. All that happens is that we forget most of them after the age of 21 and then find we need to relearn them.
I wish there weren't any general rules and we just got on with it but courtship is a ritual; there are things that we make happen that excite stimulate, create interest, confound etc. Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw ourselves together then the chances of long term happiness may be reduced. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work too interestingly.
In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date there are things that can help them be more successful. If we accept that dating is a game then there are rules to that game and winners and losers. If you know the rules in advance it gives you a head start. If men know the rules by which you are playing you may change the rules to suit the situation to keep the man guessing. Men love a challenge so feel free to adapt rule and add them as you feel inclined.
You can separate rules out into two parts, dating and online dating. Both areas have distinct rules that a woman should follow for dating success.
General Dating Rules
Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick and wearing rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage, you are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
Keep dates brief but your men interested. Less is always more.
Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
Ensure you receive flowers, if he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.
Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practise on a mirror if you have to.
Never ever talk about previous boyfriends and particularly their prowess in the bedroom. The number of ex boyfriends is your business only.
Never pre suppose anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking
If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace dump him
Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
Never ever come across as too available or too desperate, he will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing remember.
If the guy in the corner is gorgeous go and get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
If you are wanting a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.
Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.
Online Dating Rules
Always let them come to you, don't chase via email
Block anyone who annoys you instantly
Place the best & most vampish photo up you can find
Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines
Remain aloof and let yourself be chased
Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt
Never provide you true email or phone details to the man
Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn
Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy as well as enigmatic
Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best
Do not assume the man you are talking to is destitute or sad
Never ever reply to emails at weekends, wait until a weekday
Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile
If you don't want to date married men spell it out in your profile
A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored
Make sure your humor levels come across in text
Do not chat to hundreds of men at once, the delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results
Always remember ladies that you are a sexy desirable woman and the world is your oyster. Always let men do the chasing and always let yourself be the chooser. Always stay safe and never risk yourself for the sake of attending a date.
TIPS ON CHOOSING THE RIGHT PERSON
by Alina Ruigrok
Okay, so you date people hoping that one of these days you will come across the right person, the one you will make the greatest romantic connection with. But does it feel like you are going nowhere and believe that you just have no luck with meeting the right people? Feel like you are lost and doomed in this whole dating business? Stop feeling sorry for yourself!
The reality of this situation is that luck has nothing to do with it. If you are like many people, you are probably dating blindfolded, without even realizing that you are doing so. If you feel unsuccessful and dissatisfied with your dating patterns, then it is time for you to take a few steps back to see where things went wrong for you. Think you have been doing everything right? Think again! If you look back, you will be surprised to learn that you got so caught up in just the whole dating experience, that you forgot what to look out for and neglected your true needs and desires. What are you really looking for in a lover? What are your needs and desires? What qualities are important for a person to have and what other qualities are you willing to compromise with and accept?
Getting back in touch with what you are really looking for will help prevent you from staying in the dating scene forever. It is essential that you observe your actions and decisions, making sure that you do not continue to date certain people in the name of dating. If you find that you are not sharing the connection you crave with a person, then you must discontinue with dating that person. Sure, you will feel bad for hurting that persons feelings, but what you must remember is that there is nothing too personal or emotional between the two of you anyway, so just throw that excuse out- and just break it off, in a polite manner of course! This is where so many get stuck, mistaking casual trial dates, with a personal and emotional relationship. This may sound too businesslike for your taste, but this is the way it goes in the real world of dating. If you spend your time trying to spare people hurt or disappointment, then you have been doing it all wrong. This does not mean that you have to be harsh and rude, but it does mean that you have to make finding the right person a first and high priority for, not worrying about what other people with think of you.
Which moves us to the next essential point in dating. While it is normal that you fix yourself up to make a great impression on your date, it is not the most important thing that you should focus on. In fact, so many dating singles out there worry so much about what their date will think, that they totally forgot the purpose of the date- to find out whether or not they will find the connection they are seeking. No matter how you fix yourself and what manners or personality you put on, you will never be in control of what your date will think or feel about the date, so set that unnecessary stress aside. Instead, shift your focus about what you will think about him or her. Observe everything about them. Do YOU like their appearance? Does their personality appeal to YOU? Do YOU feel that you are making a good connection? As you can see, it is what you think that is important here, because you are the one looking for the right person, as well as certain qualities. Leave what they think, up to them!
The fear of being single forever can cloud your good judgment, causing you to continue seeing a person who you know you are not entirely satisfied with. You will do this because you will try to convince yourself that maybe you have been too picky and being with anybody, even if you are not crazy about him or her, is better than nobody. Stop lying to yourself! You do not have to get stuck with someone you are not entirely happy with, nor do you have to be single forever. Being honest and up front from the beginning is what will get you where you want to be and whom you want to be with. Do not worry that you may scare off someone by telling him or her exactly what expectations you have and how serious of a relationship you are looking for. Look at this way, if they get scared that quickly, then it is a sign that they were not looking for the same thing as you are, so it saves you time and you can then move on to dating someone else.
As long as you get real with yourself, stop making excuses, know what your really want, stick to it and make it clear to the people that you date, then you will be safe from too many mixed messages, misunderstandings and frustrations. When you treat your goal of meeting the right person seriously and important, then you will stay motivated to find him or her, and when you do- you will finally be able to begin the kind of relationship that you have always longed for, needed and deserve.
Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for www.love-sessions.com helping those in need of dating, love, relationship, marital, sexual and other personal advice through e-sessions.
THE SEARCH FOR MR. RIGHT
by Ian McNeice
Does Mr. Right exist? Is he out there somewhere? Will I find him?
Mr. Right is a key subject for many women and an inspiration of hope on a daily basis. Yes he may well exist, yes he is probably out there and yes you WILL find him! Of course in all our lives we have goals, aims, ambitions and desires small and large. It is these landmarks and goalposts that keep us positive and busy. It is what makes us human. In recent years the terms Mr. Right and Miss Right have become over used and devalued. Almost as if we have a chart on our wall , an extensive tick list, a resume of specifics that the person in question must submit to get his foot through the door of the "potentials" interview.
Most of us would deny we are that bad and hope that chance will take a hand in bringing Mr. Right to us. Yes we accept that we have a small but insignificant "list" and yes we accept that there are some 'definites' on it which are nonnegotiable, but they are fairly minor. Or are they? The fact of the matter is that as the decades have passed by, we have become far more sophisticated, as humans, as individuals, as lovers and mates. We know how to orgasm, we have a good salary and a nice home and are well educated in the ways of the world. Therefore it is only fair that we seek someone to match, to fit in, to adapt, to accompany, to facilitate. And there lays the issue.
The fact is that Mr. Right also has a tick list, an agenda, only a small one of course, but a list all the same, and he is ticking off your assets as we speak. He wants someone young, someone well educated, someone good looking and in shape. We are indignant, how shallow we cry. Typical man we sigh. Yet are we any better? Look at your list and look very carefully at what or who constitutes your Mr. Right. And then look again. Are you sure first of all that your tick list is achievable? Yes, or are you willing to negotiate? Okay so you are happy with your list. Then what?
Well now, are you willing to go out and get your Mr. Right or are you waiting for him to come to you? Many women tell me they are waiting for Mr. Right. The word "waiting" concerns me. By waiting it means men come to you by chance, perhaps by design and you tick off their assets, your check them out and then cast off anyone who doesn't match your list. Maybe you do, but remember this my friends, Mr. Right is looking for his Miss Right? How much work have you put into being Miss Right or should he accept you as you are and fit in around you? If he did slot in to your life would he really be Mr. Right or an accouterment, an asset, a trinket that you would get bored of?
The thing I am asked by eligible men more than anything these days is, "where have all the nice girls gone". Think about those words carefully. These men are not asking where the doormats went, the punch bags, the housewife slaves. Not at all. No what they are asking is where all the women went who don't have a huge checklist as long as their admittedly muscular arms. Most men simply want someone to love, someone who they can dote on in their own ways and who they can feel special and share with. The problem for them is that they are not finding it because they are constantly under 'resume-pressure'. They are told they must adapt and fit in, they are trying to fulfill their part of the list bargain and then they are faced with the Miss Rights out there.
As a potential Miss Right you owe it to yourself to complete a few tasks. Take a long hard look at your list and ask yourself exactly how flexible you are being. Secondly look at who your Mr. Right is and how truthfully obtainable they are. Thirdly, don't kid yourself about your own potentials but don't compromise on ideals either. Fourthly, bring yourself out into the open and go after your Mr. Right.
Don't play the waiting game because you do not want to spend the rest of your life knowing your Mr. Perfect is married to someone else when he could have been yours. And finally, compromise is the key in reality, for all the things Mr. right must be, try and balance that with attempting to be something your Mr. Right doesn't want to miss.
MAN AS THE HUNTER -- AN EXPLANATION OF MEN
By Ian McNeice
Do you know, as a single guy I have been asked many times recently by girls if I can explain basic male behavior in terms that we can all understand. Laborious chats over much wine have led to my lady friends confessing that all is not well in the world of reading what men are thinking. So the Singles Files decided to take a look. It appears that even in our advanced culture, the sexes still present the simplest misunderstandings. Men constantly appear to be a mystery when dating, and even as a man, I agree that we can be as frustrating and perplexing to the uninitiated. So it's back to basics for us today.
Millions of years of evolution haven't clouded human nature and even the most skillful women dater will have encountered male antics that defy belief. 'He acts like a Neanderthal' she may say. And do you, know, she isn't far wrong. Why? Simple, man is a hunter; that is what he was designed to do: Hunt. Which essentially means that in the world of dating the man wants to hunt you, even if you are the easiest catch on earth. Women forget this fact and ignore it at their peril. To get the man you want, you have to make them chase you and feel like they have achieved something when they eventually get to put their arm round your waist and give you a perfect kiss. If that sense of achievement is missing, your hunter will go on searching.
Okay so let's move on to the Savannah plain to explain further. How do we know what men want and like. Well all hunters want to catch the lioness, she with the thick mane and feline grace, queen of the jungle. Men will convince themselves that they could catch the lioness if they so wanted because they all like to think they are king of the jungle. But today they are too tired to do anything about it. That is exactly what happens when your hunters gather in bars together. They discuss the ones that got away and their prowess out in the field. However, you know and I know that the hunters out there are fooling themselves. They know deep down that they don't have the ability to catch the queen of the jungle, but they like to think that they might, maybe.
No, instead our intrepid hunters will seek out the slightly (but not necessarily) easier target, the more satisfying and certainly beautiful prey, the Gazelle. The gazelle you see can be found in packs out any weekend night with their Gazelle friends. Gazelles live next door, or across the street. They are beautiful creatures and fairly obtainable: But not without a fight. So the chase is on. Which of our hunters will success in capturing his gazelle this weekend? The more they hunt and chase; and the longer they are made to chase, the more rewarded they will feel when they finally succeed. And inevitably our hunter will settle down and give up hunting. But only if his Gazelle makes him feel like he has succeeded and is a true catch. Now our hunter believes he caught his Gazelle all by himself, but maybe just maybe, the Gazelle let herself be caught. Eventually.
On the down side of our make believe Savannah is the antelope. Now our hunter wants the lioness and he tries to convince himself he could capture her if he really wanted but it is too much like hard work. He really knows that he will capture his Gazelle in all reality, but when Gazelles are scarce and hard to come by, he will go for the easy target, the antelope. Down in the bar on a Friday evening there are few Gazelles about but the antelope is grazing nearby so he pounces and achieves a result straight away. There is no chase, no thrill and hardly any sense of achievement, but it staves off his hunger for now. Tomorrow the hunt will begin again. The antelope doesn't fair too well out of this scenario but she was never going to put up too much of a chase and he was never going to be satisfied with the outcome. So at the next opportunity your hunter will be off seeking the gazelles once again, with a sly look in the direction of the lioness in a wishful thinking kind of way. And what if the hunter does finally get his gazelle, will he be satisfied? Invariably yes. The lioness is out of reach and far too scarce. The lioness may represent perfection in our hunters' Savannah plain and he may even think about what if every now and again. However if he did catch the lioness, she would probably eat him alive! But the man as hunter will be extremely happy with his sense of achievement. The antelope will always lose out because she cannot provide our hunters with what they need and desire most - chase, thrill and an implicit satisfaction with the end result.
Where it all goes badly wrong is when the lioness, gazelle and even antelope go hunting the hunter. The hunter doesn't know what to do and is not designed to cope in such situations. The hunter will be frightened and run away. So the important point to make is that allow the hunter to feel he is doing the chasing, even if secretly, he isn't. The hunter will still feel like he deserves the feeling of success and achievement even if you led him to you.
Our urban jungles are full all such creatures. Hunters are everywhere. The unbelievably attractive and desirable lioness with her Manolo Blahnicks? Our hunter lusts after her but will rarely obtain. The beautiful Gazelle next door who puts up an excellent enough chase that the hunter will eventually settle with. The dowdy antelope is simply too obtainable to present a challenge. Now do not feel demeaned by this because of course your hunter is still the Neanderthal but if you think of our world on this level it becomes easier to get inside a man's head. Men do love to chase girls and they will always fall for the one who makes them chase the longest and hardest. It's nature in full throw. They do hanker after the catwalk beauties in our society but men are not so stupid, in reality most know they have little chances of success. Only the most confident men will even bother to chase at all.
So if you want to bring your hunter into the fold, keep him chasing you girls, long after he thinks he has caught you, still keep him chasing. You maybe the lioness or the Gazelle but he will thank you for it. After all, maybe just maybe, men are the simplest of creatures to please. Whatever you do in our dating jungle, never allow yourself to be the antelope.
Watch your step girls; it certainly is still a jungle out there.
LOVE & PASSION
http://www.thirdage.com
Letting Him Know...
Watch sports with him -- even if it isn't your thing. Take him to something he enjoys -- a ball game, an action film, etc. Give him a day all to himself. Go away, leave lots of snacks and suggestions for things to do (scan the newspaper and circle things that might interest him).
Touch him affectionately: put your hand on the small of his back, run your fingers through his hair. Call him "handsome," "rugged" and "strong" -- not "cute." Always respect him.
Forgive him when he messes up. Don't get too upset if he forgets something that's important to you. Tell him that you feel safe when you're in his arms. Accept him for who he is. Trust him.
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