Ladies and Gentlemen: This page has been put up as public service in hope that none become a statistic and fall prey to the bottom feeders
of cyberspace.
Don't think it can't happen to you, because it can.
| Richard Booth, our expert columnist on online relationships and co-author of 'Romancing the Net: A Tell-All Guide to Love Online', has advice on how to avoid online liars, cheats, Joy Riders, Compuflirts and Cyberpaths. Plus, tips on how to determine who is telling the truth and who isn't. Dear Richard: I have met one liar after another online. I meet someone and we seem to really connect. Stupid me believes a bond is forming. I imagine that this will be the start of 'something big.' Then wham--the person either disappears, admits they are married, or they 'move on' to someone else. How come all these other people are meeting their soul mates online while I keep meeting liars and cheats? What can I do? Richard's Answer: Because people find it so easy to reinvent themselves online, they often create "new and improved" versions of their personalities and present them as real in cyberspace. You have discovered this the hard way. No doubt you have met many kinds of liars--some harmless, others evil. In Romancing the Net, Dr. Jung and I talk about the various types of characters that hang out in cyberspace. I will mention three of those here. First are the "Compuflirts" who frequent chat rooms purely for the fun of it. They flirt, crack jokes, say little of substance, then vanish. If you hook up with a frivolous man online, he's probably one of these superficial Cheshire Cats who will never be a real factor in your life. Exchange pleasantries with him but never count on him for anything, especially love. Next are the "Joy Riders" who have hollow, joyless lives in the 3D world and try to compensate by being romantic and appealing in cyberspace. These men often lay on the praise and sound like a combination of Don Juan and Leonardo DeCaprio. They can be emotionally dangerous because they "say the right things" and are likely to promise you everlasting happiness. If your intuition tells you that the guy-of-the-moment seems too good to be true, I'm betting that he is. Trust your instincts. Finally there are the "Cyberpaths." These are the Hannibal Lecter's of the online environment. They may want money or sex or violence, but they are to be avoided at all costs. The brightest and most conniving of the Cyberpaths have the skills to make themselves sound self-effacing and sincere. So remember this test: after an online relationship has developed over weeks--or better yet months--start asking your gentleman friend some pointed questions about his marital history, his job, his residence, his family, his education, his home town...anything that a private detective could check out with a laptop computer in minutes flat. If the man refuses to tell you much about himself, start worrying. And if he starts putting pressure on you to get together with him, suspect the worst. Yes, there are many deceitful people online. But if you use you better judgment, exercise equal parts of caution and patience, you will probably find some nice, normal men. With any luck, one of them will prove lovable. To order 'Romancing the Net: A Tell-All Guide to Love Online' by Richard Booth and Marshall Jung, click on this link. About the author: Richard Booth, is the co-author of "Romancing the Net: A Tell-All Guide to Love Online.' For online dating tips or to seek personal advice on cyber-romance, visit his website at http://www.romancesite.com. |