Dating and the Single Parent
Dating Tips for Single Parents
Re-entering the Dating Game
10 Single Parent Resolutions
http://www.singlespouse.com/dating.html
Stop Feeling Guilty
Feel guilty because your children's dad/mom isn't involved? Feel guilty because your kids aren't being raised in a "traditional" family?"
The list of reasons to feel guilty can be endless. Parenting is often synonymous with guilt. Guilt, however, is a waste of your valuable time. It drains your energy and makes you focus on things you usually can't control anyway.
No, we don't have "Leave it To Beaver" families. But not many people do these days. 28 million children in the US live with one parent. Some single parents are divorced, some were never married, some are widowed and some are single parents who have adopted. Whatever the reasons or circumstances that led you to become a single parent, right now is the life you have. Embrace it and make the most of it. Life is to short to feel guilty about things you can't control.
Stop Worrying
See guilt above. Allocate a half-hour a day for a worry session if you must - then move on to productive things.
Be More Patient With The Kids
Too little money, too much to do, not enough time. Stresses are all around, especially when you are going it alone. However, don't take it out on the kids. They are easy targets because the balance of power favors you. If you feel yourself becoming stressed lock yourself in the bathroom until you get it together. Count to ten before you react. Do whatever works to show your kids they aren't the targets of your frustration. If you feel you're starting to lose control contact Parents Anonymous at (909) 621-6184. The National Organization will be able to locate a chapter near you. They conduct support groups for parents while the children participate in kid's groups at the same time.
Go On a Date
Try it and see what it's like to talk to an adult all evening. It might not turn into the romance of the century. However, you get to practice your conversational skills, see a first run movie that's not animated, and eat at a restaurant that doesn't give you a cup of crayons and placement to color.
Do One Nice Thing A Week Just for Yourself
The kids, work, the house, etc., etc., etc. With all the responsibilities your needs often come last or not at all. It's vital that you treat yourself well. Do something for yourself at least once a week. Buy yourself the book you wanted, go see a movie without the kids, take a bubble bath after the kids are in bed. Just remember not to neglect yourself.
Laugh More
Having a sense of humor defiantly makes all the stress more manageable and puts things in perspective. I have a friend who will only watch comedies on television and at the movies. Her philosophy is that real life is dramatic enough why watch it on TV? Keeping a sense of humor is easier on your psyche and role models good coping skills to your children.
Let the Little Stuff Go
There is a book entitled Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. And it's all Small Stuff. Are the kids clean? Well-fed? Loved? Receiving an education? Then you're doing your job. If the house is messy, the leaves not raked, who cares?
Keep Yourself Informed
Information is empowering. Keep yourself informed about current parenting/childcare/child support legislation. Write your congressman/woman if legislation comes up you feel strongly about.
Learn basic home repair through community colleges and university extension services so you are not so dependent on expensive repairman. Continue to upgrade your professional skills.
Get Help If You Need It
Life can often get overwhelming. Seeking help doesn't make you weak or needy -it makes you smart. Don't let lack of money prevent you from seeking help if you feel you or your children need some type of assistance. There are many free and low-cost counseling programs in most cities. Look in the blue pages of your phone book for organizations. Call your state United Way Information and Referral Line for referrals in your area.
There are also programs in every state to help you pay your heat and water bills. Each state has free or low cost health insurance for your kids, food stamps, free immunizations and other programs. Don't assume, also, that you are over income for these programs. For instance, the Women's, Infants and Children's Program (WIC) has a fairly high-income standard. Single Parent Central's Government Page has income guidelines for some government programs. It's a good starting point.
Congratulate Yourself Often
Look what you're handling. You are raising children, running a household, working outside the house and handling a thousand other things. You are CEO, coach, driver, cook, educator and provider. You are holding it all together. Many of you are doing this without any child support or help from an ex-partner. Single parenting is not for the meek or mild. You have a lot to be proud of.
Dating and the Single Parent
http://www.singlespouse.com/dating.html
As a responsible single parent, you'll want to be very cautious about whom you date and eventually bring home for the safety and well-being of your child or children.
Dating is OK. Of course it is, as long as you do it responsibly, and your children are not disrupted by your dating.
Are you thinking about dating but afraid they might reject you because you're a single parent?
Well there are plenty of people who like children and who want to date someone with children.
While other single parents are probably the most likely to be interested in dating someone with children, there are lots of people who have no children of their own who would be delighted with a ready-made family.
But when you do decide to test the waters, Just keep these basic steps in mind:
Fix yourself up and feel good about yourself
Know what qualities you're looking for in a date
Take it slow
Be yourself
Be Confident
Always introduce new adults to your children as friends, nothing more
Be friends with some of your dates and while it's unlikely that any of them will have all of your required attributes, many potential dates will show up offering qualities you haven't considered but may come to truly appreciate.
What are the qualities that a single parent should look for
in someone they are deciding to date?
Playful, light and fun with kids. (Kids have an innate instinct about people. Watch
Doesn't try to make the kids like activities they "should" like. Will accept a child's declining to participate in an activity that he/she likes. Open to learning about your child's activities and interests.
Doesn't try to discipline kids. Setting rules, boundaries and giving consequences needs to be done by the biological parent.
Not jealous if you need to put the children first or when they need your attention. Childhood goes by very quickly. Give you children the attention they need. Help with homework, the chance to talk about their day, etc.
Willing to be introduced into the lives of the kids slowly.
Will accept your boundaries about how much affection you are comfortable with expressing in front of your kids, and at what pace. Progress slowly in the relationship, at least in front of your children.
Speaks to children respectfully but not patronizingly. Speaks to them in age-appropriate ways about topics of interest to kids not just to him/her. Never uses degrading or belittling language. Never calls anyone derogatory names.
Doesn't want to exclusively do activities with children or only activities in which kids are excluded. A healthy relationship has a mix of adult-only and child-included activities.
Doesn't scold, lecture or "should" you about how you interact with the children's other parent.
Is patient when children express jealous and interfering behaviors.
Sees you as a competent adult and a devoted parent.
Understands all kids are different. Doesn't compare your kids with his/her kids (or kids seen on TV!).
Able to be flexible with the unexpected and roll with the unplanned events that always seem to arise in a household with children.
Is there to hold you when you are missing your kids. Doesn't try to talk you out of how you feel or rationalize away your sadness.
Understands that kids do grow up and that life-partners are together long after the kids have left home.
Willing to model respect and adoration for you in front of your children. It is good for kids to see their parent treated well by another adult.
Able to have open and non-defensive conversations about how you feel and what you want about your relationship and your children.
Willing to participate in family established rituals such as birthdays, holidays, etc.
Does not use alcohol to excess or drugs.
Able to apologize and model asking for forgiveness when he/she makes a mistake. Able to easily and quickly forgive when asked for forgiveness.
Signs for Needing a Date!
By: Danny Dunmore
When the only thing you look forward to coming to your house is the mail.
Getting your hair fixed, nails done and buying a new dress because the
exterminator is scheduled for that week.
When your 3 yr old kid calls the "dating hotline" for you.
When the 94 yr old lady next door ask you to hang out with her.
You forget how to make reservations for two.
You call your best friend (excitedly) and tell her that a cute guy almost bumped
into you today.
You get to the movie theater hoping that the popcorn guy will ask to join
you.
When You find yourself in bed before your kid(s).
When the bagboy places a dating ad flyer on their grocery store bulletin board for
you.
Thought all day about that guy holding the door open for you earlier that morning.
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Last revised on 09-01-03